


in which they both understand and let go

by sebviathan



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bodysharing, Canon Compliant, Episode: s05e22 Swan Song, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-21
Updated: 2014-06-21
Packaged: 2018-02-05 14:12:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1821319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sebviathan/pseuds/sebviathan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s not so much that Sam gains power over him as it is that Lucifer lets go. He wants Sam to be happy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	in which they both understand and let go

**Author's Note:**

> This is comprised of two samifer posts on tumblr I made nearly a year ago, and it's essentially the oneshot I just posted a few days ago but focusing on a different concept. It does differ slightly in certain headcanons, though. And it's not so much that my headcanon changed as it is that I tend to have a handful of differing headcanons about the same things so I can choose from them depending on my mood, or if I'm suddenly distressed because canon material is going somewhat against one of them. I need them for comfort.

There is, indeed, a point that Sam’s soul stops squirming inside of his body and his and Lucifer’s actions and words begin to run together.

Anyone who knows the Winchesters know their level of stubbornness, so it doesn’t need to be said that it takes a lot of talking to get Sam to finally understand. And Lucifer is patient. He stands in front of a mirror for hours on end and explains it all to Sam over and over again, in all the different ways he can think of. He tells Sam the story of Creation from start to [finish](http://luciferofficial.tumblr.com/post/58766044725/there-is-indeed-a-point-that-sams-soul-stops#) and relays, word for word, what happened between him and God.

And finally, Sam understands completely, and he ceases to resist whatsoever just so long as Lucifer swears to keep his promise on one thing: He will not hurt Dean or anyone else that Sam cares about.

So Sam gives in and feels completely one and the same with Lucifer, which makes him feel like  _he_  is the one in control of his body. And he is. They both are, simultaneously.

Their movements coincide and when they speak, Sam hears two voices, one his own, the other beautiful beyond comparison, in his mind—in  _their_  mind. The only thing that separates them is their thoughts, and the only reason they think separately is to communicate with each other.

 

*

 

Lucifer appears, having transported seamlessly from Detroit to Lawrence, on the proverbial holy battle ground. His shoulders raise along with his wings, stretching out invisibly behind him. He feels more powerful than before. Almost like he’s back in Heaven already.

He inhales deeply, though that’s mostly just Sam. And then Sam’s voice rings out in their head.

_Stull Cemetery…. Are we in Lawrence?_

"I thought you would like the place, Sam," Lucifer says aloud, letting his wings relax and looking around while he waits for Michael. "Or—that it would at least make you more comfortable. I know you don’t want humanity destroyed, Sam. That’s why i’m going to try to negotiate with Michael and make all of it stop."

Sam relaxes even more than he’s already been—the difference is that this time he’s willing to admit that he feels fine. He was only scratching at the walls of his mind when there was previously a chance to jump back in the Cage, and then out of stubbornness. But really? He feels more at peace than ever.

_Why would you do that?_  he thinks, and when his body frowns he knows it’s him and not Lucifer.

"…Because I think I understand, now," he sighs after several seconds of silence and squinting at the sun that isn’t even as bright as he once was. "Not entirely, but I do. Gabriel helped me, and so did you. Humans… they’re flawed. But they create things like angels can’t. They may not be able to physically create something out of nothing, but they have ideas. And most of them try to fix things. To forgive. And I get it, I do, humanity is something worth saving. I just don’t understand how my father could ask me to bow down to them and then punish me when I couldn’t."

_Why do you keep saying ‘them,’ as if I’m not human?_ Sam doesn’t know if he should believe him. He knows, in his heart, that Lucifer isn’t lying to him and in fact  _cannot_  lie to him, but his brain has always overpowered his heart. He’s always doubted. He’d love to believe that Lucifer has changed his mind, but it’s not that easy.

_You’re so much more than the rest of them, Sam._

This, Lucifer merely thinks, for Sam can hear it louder that way. Michael shows up seconds later, so they both figure it’s convenient.

As Lucifer argues with Michael, trying to get him to stand down, Sam rapidly begins to understand.

"We can stop this, we can just  _not_  fight!”

"I’m sorry, I can’t do that."

"Why not?"

"I have orders. I’m a  _good son._ ”

Everything Lucifer feels, Sam can feel. And he recognizes all of these feelings because he’s felt them before.

"Our father  _did_  this to us!”—As Lucifer shouts it, Sam feels like the movements are actually his, like  _he_  is the one speaking.  _They_  shout it.

Everything he has ever felt about his dad and brother surfaces, and it’s Sam arguing here, not just Lucifer, and every pulse of Lucifer’s emotion is his own. He understands.

_I don’t want to destroy humanity, Sam. I don’t want to kill Michael. He’s my brother, and I love him. But I don’t want to die._

_I know,_  Sam thinks back to him, and he feels the same rush of love for Michael that Lucifer does even though otherwise he would be hating him. He feels the same fear of dying, and he feels the same surge of anger and frustration about how Michael won’t stand down and is just  _blindly following orders_.

_Do you think you would be willing to go back into the Cage, though?_  Sam offers quietly while they circle Michael.  _If it meant you wouldn’t have to hurt your brother, and both you and humanity could survive?_

He honestly cares about Lucifer’s view on the matter at this point.

Their mind is silent for a moment, and then comes Lucifer’s voice.  _I don’t know_.

That’s when they hear the rumble of the Impala’s engine, and Sam feels a surge of relief. By extension, Lucifer feels it too. And then they both think that Dean is an idiot but also both have the idea that this could mean the return to the Cage.

Castiel molotovs Michael, and while Sam is happy about that on one level, he feels Lucifer’s anger out of protectiveness over his brother and understands. He has his own natural rage inside of him to match.

But then Lucifer begins beating Dean mercilessly, and Sam can only allow himself to think on the same level as Lucifer and unleash that rage for so long. He knows it’s for the love of Michael, but his love for his brother is stronger.

_Stop it, he’s my brother!_ Sam screams, and he can feel how sorry Lucifer is. _You promised he would live, you said you wanted me to be happy—_

And that’s when Sam spots the army man in the glove box that triggers all the memories to come flooding back, and in that moment his love for his brother is so strong that Lucifer feels it fully alongside his own love for Michael.

Lucifer understands. 

It’s not so much that Sam gains power over him as it is that Lucifer lets go. He wants Sam to be happy.

"It’s okay, Dean. I got him."

Lucifer doesn’t fight it when Sam stands against the edge of the opening to the Cage, or even when Michael returns.

"You can’t do this," Michael protests, and Sam doesn’t listen. "You have to let me kill my brother."

But Sam falls. He doesn’t just do it to save the world, but also to save Lucifer. He won’t let Michael kill him.

And Lucifer does it because he would do anything to make Sam happy.


End file.
